Too much

Ok, 1, 2, 3, freak out. Tonight, Mel and JJ were putting Lilly to bed, and she was having bad gas. I got the bottle ready, swaddled her, and as Mel was feeding her, measured out her gas drops. She does this thing where she will arch her back and wiggle and scream/cry out in pain. And it's not a tired cry but a 'get this gas out of me' cry. It's no fun to listen to as I can assume that her little belly doesn't enjoy the gas residing there.

Anyway, the gas drops are a good thing. But the problem is the dropper. For babies under 24 months and 24 pounds, you are supposed to give them .3ml. For babies over both the age and weight limit, you give .6ml. Now the dropper is measured out to .6ml and its difficult to get out the dropper to just .3ml. So when giving her the drops, I try to get it down from .6 to .3. So at least I know she's getting the correct dosage. You angle the medicine towards the inner cheek, so the baby will swallow instead of spitting out.

But tonight, as I was trying to measure out from .6 to .3, I accidentally gave her more than .3ml. It was more like .5ml. And for once she took it all, and didn't spit it out or down herself. So I knew she got more than she was supposed to receive. So I immediately check the label. Yes, only supposed to get .3ml. And it says in case of accidental overdose, call poison control right away. Well, it was an accident. But is it an overdose? I go into the guest room, show my mom the dropper, and she reassures me that its ok.

I'm not convinced. Brain is going into irrational mode. I re-read the instructions two more times. Nothing changes. Still in case of accidental overdose, I'm supposed to call poison control. My mom and Mel reassure me. I try to put the doubt out of my mind. I read Lilly two stories - 'Olivia' and 'Goodnight Moon.' And all the while, Lilly is doing fine, she's eating well. She's sucking down the bottle. And she should be my evidence, my case for her doing just fine. But nope. I rely on my brain and the irrational and obsessive thoughts residing there.

Finally, before Lilly is put into her crib, I decide that I will feel better if I call the pediatrician, and hear it from his/her mouth. So I look up Dr. Hales' number, give a call, and wait for the answering service to pick up. Goes through the various options. If it's an emergency, hang up and call 911. If you need to schedule an appointment, call back during office hours. And then my option, if its and urgent medical emergency, stay on the line.

Now my brain works up. Well, she seems fine. Maybe its not a medical emergency. I didn't want to be portrayed as someone who cries wolf. So I hung up. I head back upstairs as Mel and JJ were coming down. She was fine. And asleep. So I tell them I hung up but I am still worried. So they tell me to call the pharmacist. So I look up a 24 hour pharmacy, find one at Walgreens at the corner of S. Carrollton and Claiborne, and get the number. Talk to the pharmacist who tells me that a little over .3ml is ok and she should be fine. And those words call my mind. And all is good.

She's sleeping now. I'm tired. But it's still scary to realize that a small mistake can hurt her. She's so precious. I don't want to hurt her. Just makes you realize, just hits it home that you are responsible for her. It's the job that never ends.