Lilly Rose plus 6

So I guess it all started with a Spinach, Bacon, and Egg Crepe and Gold Medal Ribbon (think chocolate and vanilla, with a caramel ribbon (the best part) Ice Cream. Mark and I went to dinner Saturday night, we were originally going to go fancy, head to our favorite restaurant, Lillette, by my stomach had been acting up all day (think diarrhea, sorry squemish people) so we cancelled and went for more low, key, though still French food. We went early, something about my clock, I had been eating earlier, so we went with the early crowd (guess we are in that now, with Lilly Rose). Got a table, it was cool enough, if you can believe it, to eat outside so we did. I started with my favorite salad there, lettuce, artichoke, tomatoes, hearts of palm, and cucumber, mixed the two house dressings, and ate up. Mark got the mussels, and ordered a beer, I opted for the ginger ale. We talked about what would happen next, especially come Monday, the day of induction. And then came our entrees, Mark got Crepe a la crab and like I said, spinach one for me. There was something about spinach and this pregnancy, I just ate spinach like there was no tomorrow - spinach salad, spinach with eggs, just lots of spinach. And then we opted to get dessert at Baskin Robbins, I wanted ice cream, go figure! So we got it, and then came back to watch a movie (Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland). And two things happened, one, I think its the Mad Hatter who says it, but he tells Alice to 'Fear Nothing' and two, we finally decided on the boys name ( we had all the options but hadn't made the decision on what it would be). So maybe we were both emotionally ready. And three, just thought of it, I went to the liquor store, bought my two bottles of Cakebread Wine, a chardonnay and a sauvignon blanc, the alcohol that I was must looking forward to after the Senator's arrival.

And that sent a signal to the Senator because I woke up 3AM Sunday morning, feeling like I had to go to the bathroom, little fits, but nothing came out, but it was too painful to actually go back to sleep. This went on for maybe 30 minutes, before I woke up Mark. I said I think I am having a contraction, and he said ok, and went back to sleep. So I went about my routine, going back and forth between the bedroom, bathroom, and then drinking water. When 15 minutes later I was out of water, I woke Mark up again, and said, Mark, I need water. That woke him up, and from then on, we were both up. My stomach was upset, so I thought, well maybe toast would help. So made some toast, ate it, but didn't go away. So we got out my iPod and started the contraction timer ( they have apps for everything). We remembered the info from Childbirth class, head to the hospital at 4 4 1, when contractions are four minutes apart and you have had them for for one hour. But they were sporadic, but definitely felt like they were increasing in intensity. Though random. So we said, ok, at 6, we'll call the doctor, and then we kept pushing it back, next it was 6:30, then 6:45, then it was 7. And though they weren't coming at 4 4 1, certainly felt hard enough and intense enough that I needed to call. I had already showered twice, just letting the warm water try to soothe the contracting muscles, and seriously, who are we kidding, me as well. We knew Dr. Ross wasn't on call, so we left a message for Dr. Peeper. In between leaning over the bed and laying down, I waited for his return phone call. I had also started packing a bag earlier, had only gotten as far as putting my slippers in them before getting distracted. Go figure. But he called back and basically said to get to Labor and Delivery - so off we went.

We arrived at Touro at 8 or so. I felt like a little kid going to a sleep over, I had my pillow in one hand, and Julius, my stuffed monkey, in the other. Plus I was also wearing my pj's. So they checked us in, got my vitals, and then Jamye, our Labor and Delivery Day Nurse, did a check. She said I was dilated three centimeters - and to be perfectly honest, I was totally dejected. It felt like I should have been at least 5 cms. The pain hurt. Once she said three, I was like, well maybe we should go home. She said it was up to us, but that we could see how I progressed over an hour or so and then I could either go home or be admitted. Another hour went by, and still remained at 3 cms. I had walked around the room. I took a shower. But I could feel the labor move into my lower back - not fun at all. We made the decision to stay, we talked about it, and decided that I was going to do all the same stuff, just in less than 24 hours from now, so why not get it over with. The resident doctor came in and asked if I wanted Pitocin, at first I was hesitant, but once I made the decision to stay, we decided to go for it, as it would speed up the contractions. At around the same time I started the Pitocin, if I had to guess, I think it was probably around noon, Dr. Peeper came to the room and introduced himself. He had some secondhand information, as he informed us that I could go home, and wait for Dr. Ross to induce me Monday (he had not been in contact with the resident since I originally was unsure about the Pitocin), but Jamye kindly informed him that I had just started on the Pitocin. And while it totally worked it meant that I had to be hooked up to a blood pressure cuff, as it would automatically take my reading every 15 minutes. I was also hooked up to a portable fetal monitor, which would monitor my contractions but also the Senator's heart rate.

Dr. Peeper, and this being New Orleans, asked me how I was friends with a friend of mine. Turns out he was my friend's husband, who is a couple years older than the Dr., was his resident supervisor in residency, when Dr. Peeper was at Columbia ( another thing we had in common, both Columbia grads). But my friend Elizabeth met Dr. Peeper's life partner Saturday night, at our mutual friend's party, Saturday night (Dr. Peeper said he was only there for 15 minutes, as he was on call the entire weekend). So come to think of it, that might have been another thing in labor's favor, as Elizabeth could vouch for him. She sent me a text Saturday night, before the contractions started, letting me know I was in good hands. So he asked if I was going to get an epidural. I had said to the nurses and residents that I had wanted to do it naturally. He explained to me the epidural. That he would prescribe one to every woman in the third trimester of labor. He also suggested that if I was going to do one, to get it sooner rather than later, because this being a weekend, there weren't as many anesthesiologists on call, and that if they got stuck with an emergency surgery, etc, than it could take a while to get. So while I was anti-epidural at the get go of the pregnancy, more on the fence as the pregnancy went on, I was pro-epidural, once the labor went into my back. I thought man, if I am only 4 cms now, what's it going to be like, at 5, 6, 7, not to mention 8-10? And as Mark said, the goal is to have a baby, not to have a baby naturally. So I went for it. It was around 1:45. But it's pretty intimidating, all the monitoring, the catheter, the doctor, the numbness, though I will say I was able to wiggle my toes ( phew) and move my legs a bit (another phew) but was completely numb. Plus you have to sign these forms, once you get the epidural and no family members can be in the room, so another intimidating point.

But once it went in, Jamye said it was perfect timing, as I was not having contractions spread out every two minutes. So the Pitocin was working and so was the epidural. Downside to the epidural was I could only suck on ice chips and drink a little water as well as being confined to the bed. But like I said, the upside was the lack of pain. Though as the afternoon wore on, and they increased the amt. of Pitocin, I could feel some pressure, especially, in my jaw, as the jaw and uterus are connected, so it was sending pain to the jaw! It was something I had learned in yoga, they would get us to unclench our jaw to loosen our uterus (or to put it at ease!). But anyway that was weird. Even though the contractions were coming, and in the span of 4-5 hours I had only dilated two cms. So the Dr. recommended breaking my bag of waters, as the other doctors explained that it would push things along. At this point, I had listened to several relaxations, watched Oceans 11, at least 1.5 times, and started on Modern Family, I said sure. So it was broken. And it did speed things along, at this point, which is probably now, around 4-5pm at I was at 6cms, the head resident says that we're probably looking at having the baby early evening, Jamye was off at 7, so I know she was hoping for me to have it before she left. But no such luck.

A little after 7, Jamye introduced me to Amy, the night Labor and Delivery Nurse, I was at 7cms. And a little before 8, I was 9 cms and 90 percent effaced, so meaning there was a little bit of my cervix left to dilate, so they had me lie on side, to help get it dilate. Throughout the day and into the evening, different people would come in and check, so you hear all these different numbers, as you get closer to pushing. I kept asking when that would be, I think the anxiety was getting to me. You just work all this hard, and realize that you've got a bunch left to go. But at least every centimeter I got to, I was that much closer to the baby. Something that I could understand, but hard to process. Plus I was wary about pushing because I had heard stories about it taking a long time, and I was tired and worried that I didn't have enough in my food reserves, as I hadn't really eaten much Saturday going into Sunday's labor (some toast, a little bit of peanut butter on bread, and some goldfish). But I kept progressing, and the baby's head was coming down. So when Dr. Peeper came in around 9ish and said that I was going to start pushing, I was like, seriously, now? He said yes, but had to change into his scrubs first. Another good sign was that they had begun priming the room, getting the table ready with delivery items, it's amazing not only how big these Labor and Delivery rooms are, but how well they can be transformed into a place where people give birth. He had come in with his red polo shirt and white jeans (what he says he only wears in the summertime) but came back sometime later. And I was looking straight ahead, and there was a clock to my left. So I remember looking, when we started and it was 9:45.

It's hard to describe in retrospect, but I'll do it the best I can. They lower the second part of the bed, Put your feet in these plastic stirrups, and all these people crowd around you. Dr. Peeper instructed me on how to push (grunt became his favorite word). Basically breathe in, hold your breath and then push for 10 seconds. I did this for a bit, and I had some really good ones, and some not so good. But Dr. Peeper said keep trying your best, because the epidural was running out, so I'd want to have this baby before it completely ran out. Well this put me not only into oh shit but also panic mode. I didn't want to have this baby without pain relief, I could already feel the discomfort and just the though of the head coming through without the epidural, was just freaking me out. So while I got the hang of the pushing, I could feel the pain free time ticking down, so while my breathing was ok, I found another nervous habit - biting my nails. At one point, to get me to focus, Dr. Peeper had to yell at me to forgot the fingernails and focus on the pushing. I was also using his arm, well one of them, in bearing down. I think when we got closer, I moved onto the medical students arm (the downside of being a strong, man). And poor guys, I felt like I must have pulled it out of socket. But it worked. I also must have asked Dr. Peeper tons of times, when is it coming? Was he sure? Was he lying? I'm sure he hears it a lot, but in the moment, I needed to hear it. I also got super hot, so I took off my hospital gown and before I started pushing I had asked for someone to run home and get my small fan, what a clutch delivery that was during pushing.

So when I see him asking the tech for the suction cup, I sensed we were close. He said he saw the head and saw some blonde hair, I was like, huh (turns out it was just the bright light shining). He started suctioning the head, I kept screaming for him to get this baby out of me. And come 11:08, she came out. I don't remember much from here on it, it's all very hazy. They put the baby on my chest but then handed her off to Mark and he, Amy, and Lillian went into the smaller room, and cleaned her up, did some vital checks, etc while they delivered the placenta, and then once that was out, I had bleeding that needed to be stitched up, turns out she had some sharp finger nails and scratched me on the way out. But by now the epidural was definitely was wearing off, Dr. Peeper had called in the head resident, and was intent on stitching me up and stopping the bleeding. I began to panic a bit, but quickly asked for pain medication, which I got, and also got a clotting shot, which I didn't feel at the get go but now is a lovely bruise on my thigh. And 45 minutes later, I was down being stitched up. But felt completely out of it. Just look at the pictures from that night, and you can see.

Mark's parents and siblings came in, met Lillian, and we then shared the name with them and my mom. I talked to my dad on the phone, also talked to Scott and Miriam. And then Mark went with the baby to get checked out at the nursery and my mom stayed with me in the room, while Amy checked on me, cleaned the room (and me). I tried to rest. All I could think was that the next child would be adopted.

Finally at around 2AM, I was told I should stand, slowly, so I could get in the wheelchair, to be wheeled to post-partum room. It was quite difficult to stand up. But I did. Amy said if I had to sit, I should sit on the floor, and the thought of getting up from the floor was not so appealing, so I powered through. And we then met Melissa, our night post-partum nurse. (Turns out I was the only patient in Labor and Delivery Sunday for a good stretch of time, until the evening, when someone came in to be induced, which is quite unusual, according to Jamye). I got some apple juice and honey maid graham crackers (the first of many, many packages - it was just something about the sweetness of the cracker - they were delicious!) Once we got settled, Mark was given a set of sheets, they have a pull out chair, which according to Mark is the most uncomfortable chair ever. We were told that Lilly was to be given a bath, and then would come to us, so I could have the first feeding. My mom left us around 3AM. We decided to try to get some sleep. But I was so amped up, I laid there. In the dark. I still had the catheter in, so I couldn't get up to use the bathroom. Plus Melissa said that I had to call the nurses station for the first time I stood up. For the first time, I looked down at my feet and saw that they were super swollen, think back to Wall-E Captain's feet and the cause of my modified bed rest. Turns out I was given so much fluids from the epidural and other procedures that it all pooled in my body.

At 4AM, I called the nursery to see when the baby would be coming to us. We were told that the nursery nurse was on 'lunch' and it would be at least 30 more minutes. That turned into 90 and at 5:30 she was brought to us. Lola, the nursery nurse, showed me how to have her latch on. She needed her first feeding. But man her chomping down hurt! So another nurse, Lori ( who became a GODSEND to us) came in and was patient with us, showed us how to do the various positions, soothed us, and the most important part, stayed with us for the duration of the feeding. To me that was key, just having someone who knew what they were doing, another presence. And I found that would stay the case (still is now, 4 days after the fact) with all the nurses, doctors, etc.

One annoying thing about hospitals is the steady stream of people in and out of the room. Once Lilly was done feeding and we sent her back to the nursery, the medical students came in. Asked a bunch of questions and then left. There must have been three or four of them. And you would think they would come in a group. But no. All on their own. Then the resident and head resident doctor came, removed my packing. Then the nurses changed, so Melissa left and Nicole came on. She gave me more graham crackers, pain medication, and removed my catheter. Then Dr. Ross came by, we talked about the birth. She checked my stomach, wanted to make sure the uterus (fundus?) was hard, and if its so, then there was not any internal bleeding. She also checked my feet. She hugged us and then left.

One concern of mine was going to the bathroom. I wasn't so worried about peeing it was passing a bowel movement that frightened me - all the pressure and pain I was already feeling I knew wasn't going to be a pleasant thing going number 2. Embarrassed, I expressed my concern to Nicole, and she said it was likely I wouldn't have one for a few days, but she would get me a stool softener. Meanwhile, my breakfast came, eggs, biscuit, grits, but I was too scared to eat. However, I did. Picked at the eggs and ate the biscuit. Meanwhile I was still going strong on the graham crackers! One thing Touro does is give the mom and dad a celebration lunch - our choices were either steak or salmon, and according to Nicole, no one orders salmon. So that's our lunch. Potatoes were good as were the veggies. Mark said the cheesecake was good. He had some of the steak, but I opted out of that one! My mom and Mark's parents had come by that time. We had Lilly with us. At around 2, she needed another feeding. The parents left, ended up running some errands for us, and we fed her. Then she fell asleep a little before 3, and Lilly's Aunt Bitsy stopped by. We talked for a while, then Mark went with her to nursery to show her the baby. I tried to get some sleep, ended up resting for a little bit.

Getting up was HARD! All my muscles ached. My butt hurt. Pressure everywhere. Pain in muscles I didn't remember using during labor. But when you are stretched out, spread out, the muscles in the groin, legs, thigh, they all need time to recover. But they were all there, sore. Nicole said it would help to get up and walk so I did. First to the nurses station and then to the end of the hallway.

Monday night's dinner was chicken soup from Whole Foods. Actually some beef, carrots, peas, a roll from Touro, but that didn't look too good. So I opted for yet more graham crackers, soup, and a bit of the roll. More feedings. And Lori, the night nursery nurse, came back to help us. She really was a godsend. Super knowledgeable and patient. A little bit of sleep. Not more than an hour or so. Or at least in a row. Still more nurses, med students, and doctors coming in and out. Lilly Rose stayed with us for a bit. And then we sent her back to the nursery for a bit. We set it up to have her feed as close to midnight or 1 as possible, hoping she would go down for a stretch of sleep and then we could too. It was nice in theory but didn't come to fruition.

Dr. Ross saw us in the morning, said we would be discharged that day. It's hard to believe that it was already Tuesday. She gave us some warning signs to look out for, but basically said I was healing nicely, and that it would take time. And then I would see her in 6 weeks. And that was that. The new nurse, Deborah, came in to see us, said basically to ignore the instructions on the hospital wall, which said discharge was at 10AM. She said it never really happened. You had to get checked out by the nursery, lactation specialists, and then the nurse. Deborah already went over with us her instructions, but said she had to be the last one for us to sign. Lilly Rose came to us in the morning, we had a hard time feeding, we would think she would get it. And then we would call the nursery, someone would come, and then she wouldn't get it, and then by the time someone came, she was ok. We must have seen the same nursery nurse at least three times. Finally she said that it would be ok for us to walk the baby back.

Lactation came in. Gave us more info. I almost wish they would give us pamphlets or something, because all this information is thrown at you. You are super tired. And I feel like its information overload! But they do give you this great book, in which they put the baby''s footprints in the back, so its nice. And the book is chalkfull of information. I've already looked through it and it's really been helpful and good. And then lunch came, and it wasn't too bad - grilled turkey, stuffing, oatmeal cookies, and a salad. Mark's parents went out and got us sandwiches from Stein's Deli, and this was the first meal I was really jazzed about eating (though breakfast wasn't too bad - had the french toast, syrup and some grits). I did ask for more graham crackers, but they were out! The travesty of it! And they were also out of apple juice. Grape was the substitute. But couldn't stomach the idea of it. So had the grilled turkey, some veggies, oatmeal cookies, and then half of my first turkey sandwich in 8 months! The pregnancy books and sites scare you away from deli meat, due to some bacteria that could be in processed deli meats, so of course, why is it ok, now for me to eat? It's probably not, but it sure tasted really good. Turkey, lettuce, avocado, and tomato on wheat. Delicious!

We finally met with nursery a little before 2. They gave us all sorts of instructions. Some papers. Some warning signs and when to call 911 and your doctor. I was moving gingerly in and out of the bathroom and up and down the hall. And before we knew it, we packed up our room, Mark borrowed a cart from the nurses and loaded the stuff onto it, and then took it out to the car. I was put into a wheelchair, the baby loaded into my arms, and we were then wheeled from our room to the car. I did fine in the elevator! And it was surreal that they were allowing us to take the baby home and they didn't even check for a carseat! Lilly was swaddled so Mark had to do some rearranging but he was a pro. I would have probably freaked out, and not known what to do, but he calmly took her back inside, said it was better to do it in the AC of the parking tunnel, than in the actual garage. Was there for about 30 seconds and swiftly got her buckled in the car seat and then put that into the base. I couldn't actually believe that we were leaving the hospital. All of the past three days seemed like a whirlwind, and here was our daughter, and we were taking her home. To her home. To our home. I could feel a lump in my throat, it was sad but also very exciting but scary. Overwhelming.

I still had tons of soreness and was on pain pills. When we got back to the house, I showered for the first time. It felt really good but also my boobs were really sore and I was worried about getting to much water or soap on them. So I pretty much showered with the water hitting my back, which still felt really good. Washed my hair. And changed into some more comfortable clothes. I had some time before Lilly had to be fed so I tried to walk as much as I could though it really really hurt! Melinda went out and got my pain medication. So it was nice to take my Percocet!

Emotionally I was on a roller coaster - as I know Mark was too. The books and people told us to expect a change like no other. And it cannot be described. Here she was always in my stomach - I could feel her, know she was safe. I could eat the right foods (according to Mark, it was all the spinach I ate) and know she was getting the right foods and nutrients. But now she's a real person. And I (we) want to do everything we can to keep her safe. Not to have anything happen to her. And you feel like you have a lot more to lose but also to play for. I know my anxiety was playing with me but I also know it's true that it's extremely bittersweet because she's such a wonder, I want to see all that she will do, but I know I won't be able to see her whole life. But that's life. Just like should she have kids ( and Mark had this moment, when he looked at her in the nursery, realizing that she, if she wants, could have kids someday, just like I did, she has all the body parts, eventually for them) the impernamence of life takes hold, and you have to make each day a masterpiece. It's been unreal just how much time has passed between her birth and now (which is Saturday, July 24). She's almost a week old. And she can do loads of things. She can smile a bit, mainly when she's feeding or passing gas. And she can hold her head up. She has been known to hiccup. And she has such a nice smell. It's the little things to marvel in. I keep saying to myself that I want to start a top five or ten list of things she does everyday. Or maybe make it a weekly thing.

But she's met her great-grandparents and her grandparents this week. We've put together that she's the 6th generation of Rose's in Mark's family. She's met her Aunt Sarah and Uncle Cliff, as well as cousins Jef and Kelli, Great Aunts Kitty and Patti and Great Uncle Steve. She's made a good friend in Regina, her baby nurse ( and a lifesaver to us). We've had our ups and downs in feeding - the nipples are sore and at times bleeding. We've had our first doctor scare, when we burped her Friday and discovered some blood in her mouth (turns out just from the feeding). But we still called the doctor, who reassured us everything was ok. Had our first confirmation call for Lilly's doctor's appointment - we go for her 1st week check up Monday. Hard to imagine she's almost a week old. I just want to stop time and keep her safely cocooned. But the joy is also seeing her grow. And it has been hard, to go from the transition from being pregnant to being a mom. I never really thought I would miss feeling her or the little kicks but I do. It's a change. And a process. And it's been overwhelming. Some days are better than others but for the most part trying to get my rest so I don't allow that monkey chatter in. Guess that will be a life long process.

Anyway we're on track for Lilly to experience her first tropical depression tomorrow. And last night, we had a really nice moment, as we celebrated our first Shabbat together. We lit candles, Mark held Lilly in his arms, said the prayers, had some Grape Maneschevitz wine, challah, then Regina put Lilly down and Mark and I ate our dinner - our first uninterrupted time together since the hospital. And that was nice. Really nice.

When I started these updates, I didn't know what I would get out of them, or really the goal. But they've been a nice tool for me to express my thoughts on paper. And I don't know the purpose of this blog, whether it will be confessions of a new mom and dad or all about Lilly or both. But it will be a learning tool, just as our experience with Lilly Rose will be. I'm going to make it my goal to update it at least 5-6 times a week. Pictures, videos, thoughts can be found - just bear with me as I get my own sea legs back underneath me. One thing, other than growing closer to Mark and bringing Lilly into the world, I realized throughout this process was my love of writing. I've worked on a couple short stories during this period. And I've signed up for a creative writing class at Tulane for Wednesday nights. So that should be an experience as well.

We're on for a good ride. Though we're still sleep deprived, we're surrendering to the goat (as my yoga teacher put it one class) as we realize that she won't always be this way, it's temporary so enjoy it while we can. Marvel in the little things, like her scent, her facial expressions, our love for her.

Hope you can all meet her soon. Lillian Rose Mintz, whom we will call Lilly Rose (or maybe at times, just Lilly). Future Senator. Or who knows maybe even President.